Wednesday 14/04

Sometimes, no, all the time I think about my reasons for doing this, trying to get better. Is it so I can prove it to myself? To the world and be admired? Be a big philanthropist who can help others in the same situation? To get my own back against those I feel have slighted me (or even to prove to those I have done wrong that I'm pretty good despite all)? Or just to live a peaceful happy existence?
The answer is of course all of the above. Some of them are objectionable, but all designed to make me happy with who I am. But the "revenge" aspect worries me. It is still prevalent. As is my anger. And as much as the great philosophers and Dizzee Rascal concur with me, it is in real life the tests will come.