Tuesday 06/03

Mediocrity. The scariest word in my world. I can’t be in a reasonably paid job, be married to a loving reasonable woman, drive a Vauxhall or anything like that. Inferiority complex? Have something to prove? Yes.
I also got the impression from my psychiatrist that I’m a bit of a special case. I have supportive friends and family. Got money. I’m smart. Sense of humour. I could be a lot uglier. She even said charming and pleasant, which made me blush a wee bit… So got everything going for me, really. It takes someone immensely strong (yes, me) to undermine that framework. So she’s really curious, and can’t wait to speak to me again. Either that, or she was flirting . Just kidding, she’s very professional and sharp. Made her laugh when she suggested changing my anti-depressants. I exclaimed “No way, I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be bipolar, much more fun!!!”
All this leads back to my theory that it’s mainly down to nature. I have to teach this old dog some new tricks, set some aims, which also corresponds with what my CBT is telling me. Easy ones first:
•Cut down on alcohol. Not a huge issue. I do drink more than I’m supposed to, but not a huge amount. Just do it every day. So, from now on, no alcohol Tuesdays, Thursdays or Sundays!
•Arrange an expedition. Always look at things I’d like to do, but never get done. Coast to coast in Scotland in September is the early front-runner. Mont Blanc to follow next year.
•Pay off unpaid bills. Huge problem for someone like me, I don’t find such issues important, and therefore ignore them….
•Stick rigidly to my new medication plan, starting today
•Find and start at least one new hobby before moving to Exeter