Monday 29/03

Monday 29/03
Another journey of self discovery at the counsellor. As previously mentioned, I can't cope with being ignored. I then believe that it's because I'm not interesting enough. This largely explains my competitive instinct, as I want to get noticed. I seek attention to make up for it. Whether it be locking the teacher out the classroom (that was funny, mind), jumping off a cliff or beating everybody at press-ups, every part of my life is a competition. I want people to know I'm crazy, it sets me apart. These are easily achievable goals, being good at my education or career (yeah, done ok, but could do a lot better) are longer term benefits I am still unable to pursue. I want instant gratification. Sadly, being the best is never enough, because I'm competing against myself, whom I'll never beat.... I have to realise that who I am may be flawed, but can be adjusted to make the "good" side stronger. I will never be a particularly easy-going person, but allowing myself to fail is necessary.