Thursday 01/04

So, things are looking up, my life is getting sorted, I’m getting the right treatment and so on. Must be about time to self-destruct, then….
Had a sudden urge to get angry and drink copious amounts of alcohol. Looking at job descriptions and thinking “hold on, I’m not good enough for this”. Think about all the things that can go wrong, instead of all the things that can go right. Doubt many of my friends, as some of them are also friends with my ex (all members of the same club). Can I trust them? Despite having no reason to, as she and I get along fine (to my knowledge). Paranoia again. But it is present, and bringing me down.
Been challenged by my CBT to have a look at “Laws of Attraction”, basically stipulating that if you expect something to be good, it will be. So if I dread doing ironing (and I do!), then convince myself it’s great, it will be. So have to write down 3 good things every day, no matter how minor….. Eventually that should lead me to appreciate more things and be happier?
1.Proved organisational skills by getting all the necessary paperwork to the estate agent, so have agreed on moving in date
2.Proved I could exercise despite wanting to drown my sorrows in drink
3.Said exercise was enough to stop me reaching for the bottle, and I did expect that. Ok, so I still had nearly a bottle of wine, but considering where I was heading, that’s saintly!
4.Followed my other counsellor’s advice to talk to people, even if I find them boring. Just to make me less reserved. Yes, I still find them boring, but I overcame an obstacle.